Intimate Partner Violence causing psychological harm to young women.

It started 3 years ago she was a star trying to make it in life, supporting her daughter through school and being herself. She is a star, angel with a good heart very soft spoken and good to be around her. She met this man who was warm and good and I did approve of the relationship because if she is happy I am happy.

Three months into the relationship this man started to be angry accusing her of cheating, following her to work and coming at wee hours of the night to make sure she is alone. She thought it was nothing to worry about, he just another obsessive man who is protective of his woman she thought. His behaviour continued and then rape started throughout the two years. He raped her continuously bringing a gun and threatening her if she goes to the police he will kill her. He was so cruel that he will go into her house at 2 am point the gun at her, place it on the head of the bed and rape her repeatedly. He strangle her, he demeaned her she was helpless. This is the first time she is talking about it, to me her friend who from my point of view should have known or see the signs. 

Finally she managed to ran away to another place where she started all over again and now hearing all this I am not strong enough, it hurt I blame my blindness. The last time I saw her she was sad however I was so happy to see her spend time with her that I forgot to ask that one crucial question, are you okay my sister? How are you really, and that, has caused me now, because I cannot take this pain anymore, it is excruciating and horrible. I know what to do she needs to get justice and I am trying to get to do that, however she does not want to relive it all. My blindness as a sister caused her pain. Please note that I do not blame myself I am just saying that we are always caught up with so many things in life that we forget to see what is before us and help a sister out. We need to look out for the wellbeing of our friends and sisters as violence against women especially intimate partner violence (IPV) affects many women globally and in Kenya. We can only help when we are present ask, support and be on the look out, I am not say be suspicious however we need to know that.

Globally, according to the WHO report of violence against women (VAW) it indicates that about 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. Most of this violence is intimate partner violence.

Violence against women (VAW) – particularly intimate partner violence (IPV) and sexual violence – is a major public health problem and a violation of women’s human rights. Worldwide, almost one third (30%) of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner in their lifetime. In Kenya According to the Kenya Domestic Household Survey (KDHS) 2014, 38 percent of women aged 15-49 reported physical violence and 14 percent reported having experienced sexual violence. These statistics clearly indicates that VAW especially IPV continues to be a thorny issue that needs to be taken addressed.

Sitting at the corner of my couch crying so hard thinking to myself why did I not see it. What type of a friend am I, how come I did not see it coming? What can I do now to make it better is there really a way to do that, how can I write all the wrongs and be there for her. I was and still am the supportive one, the better listener, the shoulder to cry a sister and a friend. My blindness caused her pain, yes her duty was to tell me share what is going, however the signs were all there, I unconsciously refused to believe it myself. Now I am struggling to understand it all, the emotional abuse, the torture, the rape, the sexual transmitted infections, the total destruction of the one’s well being, why did I not see it coming. Am I a good sister, how many times are we enmeshed with what we are doing that we do not see when others are suffering? Let us all speak out, ask questions and reach out to our sisters when we can.

So my friend and I have a pact, we are both seeking counselling sessions together and we have not given up. We shall seek justice even if it was two years ago, we shall find a way when she is ready.

Speak out against violence against women and let us all be good sisters and friends.

#Istandforhumanrights #Metoo #IPV #VAW