Why I fell in love with words and writing

Today, I am sitting in my tiny room in New York, perusing my blog and being reminded of when I first fell in love with writing and how the current writing block has lasted for years. I remember in my early twenties, I used to have this little book, and every time words, dreams, and experiences came to me, I would jot them down and write. With time, this hobby became my intimate place as I was not sharing it with anyone. It made me feel safe and sane and, more so, helped me through a life crisis in my twenties. We know this age is where folks try to find themselves making mistakes, falling in love, out of love, experiencing heartbreaks and life in between. This time, I was living vicariously and fast but was gentle and warm when it came to my penning my thoughts together. So, where did I lose this habit? I ask myself today. The answer is adulting, trying to make ends meet working in jobs, and constantly hearing that your writing is not good enough, that it’s too simple, that it needs work, it needs to be refined, I heard. With this information being said in different spaces and not in a nuanced conversation, understanding the different types of writing and styles did not happen, making me feel my love of writing could be better. Work fulfilled a commitment with every writing, which is what life is. However, it is not what I fell in love with in the first place. I miss that free writing in the middle of the night where words flow with no end, where words reflect the present feelings and the joy and calmness they bring. I miss it. I miss the wandering minds and imaginations that happened through writing, and today, I see it here, and now I am writing down this note. Now, here I am one year later, and while I can write documents for work, my fun, warm, simple and easy writing is not happening, why I asked myself. 

It is February 2024, and I am in a New York house on the Upper West Side. I feel the urge to write, and on the blank paper, I start. So here are my reflections on why I fell in love with writing my thoughts on paper. In sharing these reflections, I hope you get validated that your writing is worth it, that it is okay to use simple English, and that there are different styles. While I try to find where I fit as I write down my thoughts here on my page and the different styles of each piece, I hope it gets you back to where you want to be in your writing. So why I fell in love with words:

• Writing down how I feel and what the feeling is makes me feel calm amidst the world’s chaos anchored in my conscious and unconscious mind. It validates how I feel at that time and place.
• In a world where words get convoluted, and people derive different meanings to what is said, writing brings clarity that matches what the thoughts are saying and that I love
• Writing allows me to say what I need to say the way I need to, and today. For instance, today, a conversation that happened about ensuring that everyone is aware of what to do in case of sexual harassment and violence, where we sought help in a communal living space, reminded me of the importance of writing. 

Allow me to go to my first point about writing being calming. I am currently in New York. I live in a communal center called I House, where people from different continents and countries live. I love it here as I am part of the Human Rights Advocates Program at the Institute of Study of Human Rights at Columbia University. Today, the residents were conversing with leadership on the issues and recommendations for change to make the space better for all residents. A resident raised a point about how there exists no information shared publicly about what someone can do in case of sexual harassment or violence at I House. While I House International has a sexual harassment policy and in-house support, the response mechanism is not robust, and residents are unaware. For some reason, ever since I got here, the sense of safety and security engulfed my thoughts, and my being that I did not for a second thought about sexual violence and harassment happening at the facility.

Listening to a resident sharing a proposal to make sure the response mechanism exists just removed the safety feeling I had and reminded me of the different manifestations of sexual and gender-based violence. In this space, I did share my recommendations around making sure the response mechanism that is developed and shared is survivor-centered. I also proposed that I House International works with different organisations that respond to survivors of violence against women and girls so that resident survivors can have options of where to go and, in instances where they do not feel safe to share with the different leadership team at the facility. With this reality, a surge of fear came through my veins, which, to be honest, has been there because of the recent high rates of femicide in Kenya and my involvement in organising nationwide matches against femicide but, more so, the reality that violence against women and girls happens everywhere. So, penning this down makes me feel better, and I hope that anyone who reads this can go back to writing even as short and as long pages as they please. 

So here I am, feeling triggered that I did not think about sexual harassment and violence happening in this space. However, I have been aware of sexual harassment and violence every minute of every day I leave the house, including gun violence. In this forgetting, I am reminded that amidst all the chaos that ran through my mind, writing it down makes me feel calmer, heard, and myself again. So, whether the writer’s block is unblocked, I do not know. All I know for now is that I am happy that my page is not blank and there is something in my diary. I love it here and am so excited to be back. Genuinely, I honestly had missed you. 

Lots of love 

Wambui

Disclaimer: If you are a survivor of sexual violence and need access to services and support in New York, please call Safe Horizon’s 24-hour helpline at 212-227-3000 for immediate assistance. For Kenyans, please call 1195