Revolutionary and Audacious Love: Is it possible in this lifetime?

The other day, a friend told me the story of a husband who wanted to have a girlfriend. They had known each other for many years, and it was never the perfect time to be together. Now married with two children, the man, let’s call him Abdulsamad, was happy in his marriage but still wanted to be with my friend. As the conversation continued and my friend asked me what she should do, I remember not having much to say as I believe people should make their own choices. My friend then received a message from Abdulsamad that said, “I do not want to hide you, I can’t hide you even if I wanted. I want to be with you, I want to shout on the rooftops that I am with you, that I desire you and you make me happy”. Zulekha had been sitting on this message for a while. While she was telling the story, I could see that she was hiding and feeling embarrassed while smiling, that he was willing to risk it all. As a single woman with no kids, Zulekha was ready to settle down; however, she was conflicted. Coming from a Muslim culture where it is allowed to have more than one wife, she was embarrassed to love this perfect man who loved her back.

Zulekha responds to Abdulswamad in a way that sounds like she sought a utopian dream. Zulekha responded by saying, “I am giving you all the time. Build your family, enjoy the moment without distractions, and let no one say you didn’t give your all. If it doesn’t work one day, which I don’t pray for it not to, then we can revisit. I think that being single and where I am right now, I want something different. I want to experience audacious love, revolutionary love, and a little fairytale for once. I want it to be forever (if there is something like that). I want to be the only one who can do it, which I desire. I want a soft life to be taken care of for once where I don’t have to think or plan, just sit and enjoy the ride”. Is Zulekha asking for too much? I asked myself this question many times, and I started to reflect on this. I have been good at writing and reflecting on my feelings since the beginning of this year, and I have many unpublished notes of stories I hear or eavesdrop on along the way. It feels like Zulekha really does feel burdened by love. It seems like her experience before made it feel like a chore, and now she just wants to sit and enjoy the ride. In all these conversations, I was struck by her desire for audacious and revolutionary love. What does this mean?

As a friend, most of the time, your work is to listen, not judge, as you support your friend in navigating their various situations. The point of my penning down this short piece is to reflect on what audacious and revolutionary love is and if it exists. In the current society, so many challenges exist in relationships, such as violence against women, divorce, affairs, and people not living their authentic selves. Does this type of love exist, and what does it even look like? I sat down with Zulekha to really unpack this from her perspective. 

I also know a few of my friends who are getting married this year. In my understanding and unpacking of audacious and revolutionary love, it is a love that is unconditional, a love that challenges the status quo and boundaries of societal pressure and stereotypes. An audacious revolutionary love does not hide. It is out in the open where gender norms are non-existent, where there is no burden from both parties to conform but take care of each other. In that relationship, no power dynamics really exist. I was left thinking, does this really exist? In an effort to further this conversation, I asked one of my friends who is about to get married this year, and these are her responses. She mentioned that revolutionary and bold love challenges conventional ideas of love by prioritising radical empathy, profound connection, and a dedication to personal development and change. She further mentioned that Revolutionary love within a romantic relationship entails questioning and defying cultural conventions and anticipations to establish a partnership founded on fairness, righteousness, and emancipation. Both spouses must actively remove oppressive beliefs and behaviours inside themselves and in their marital dynamics. Audacious love is distinguished by its bravery, courage, and vulnerability in a romantic relationship. It motivates partners to embrace risks and challenge limits in their quest for greater intimacy and connection. Both revolutionary and audacious love in a romantic relationship form a powerful and transformative partnership. She has this in her partner and hopes it continues even in marriage. 

My last thought is that while society has made it seem like an honest, loving relationship is impossible in this lifetime, it is. That love that is audacious and sounds like a fairytale comes in different ways, and it is built by two people who wake up to choose each other despite society’s pressure, ways and stereotypes. In a society and life where people are hustling and trying to figure this life out, it is important that we dream of and actualise a relationship that makes sense for us and that is fueled by love and not societal expectations. While I do not know what Zulekha will choose or if she will get her fairytale in the end, reflecting on this was so refreshing, and hearing from my friend about her definition of revolutionary and audacious love makes me ecstatic. I can’t wait to dance at the weddings I am fortunate to attend this year to celebrate love, two people who choose to show up for each other every day.